


crumbs (in your arms)

by sweetiejelly



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-16
Updated: 2011-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-27 10:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetiejelly/pseuds/sweetiejelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of storms and mistletoe and s'mores, of family and friends and more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	crumbs (in your arms)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the lovely Jackie as part of [thehayloft gift exchange](http://thehayloft.livejournal.com/29581.html). Much thanks to Ella for the beta! ♥

Noah rolls over and over the same spot on his arm with a thumb. It’s half a pinch – real, not real, real. But really, it’s mostly a tick, a nervous one. He’s on a plane back to Oakdale, back to Luke and all of the rest of the Snyders, back for Christmas.

Luke called him earlier in the day about the impending storm. “Yeah, looks like a big one rolling in. What’s that? Nat says not till tomorrow. But still, land safely.”

Noah had closed his eyes (as if that helped him hear Luke better, closer) and smiled (till his words were full of the curves of it). “Aye, aye, captain. I’ll try my best to land the plane safely.”

Now he’s here, on the plane, Luke’s laugh (Luke’s face when he laughs) in his ears (on his mind) like a blessing. Fly high! Land soft. Bring your _best_ dork.

“See you soon,” Luke sounded so boyfriend when he said that, like they actually had plans (beyond get swept up by the Snyder hustle and bustle), like they still had claims.

Noah has nothing to claim, as far as luggage goes anyway. His one personal item plus carry-on is everything. He’s always been good about keeping to the essentials. He thinks he probably brought less than what Luke and Lucinda took on the mushroom hunting trip years ago. Now, _that_ was a camp and a half, with fragile china and sleeping bags, with pillows that go “boop!” and inter- _er_ -ruptions!

But what Noah would give now for the opportunity!

As if hearing his thoughts, the guy with the aisle seat to his window asks out of the blue, “Home for the holidays?”

Noah looks over, and the guy, something about him – the hair? the scruff? the voice? – something of his person reminds Noah sharply of Dusty. “Yeah,” a smile unfurls on his lips before he can help it. “I mean, I guess you could say that.”

The thing is for the longest while Noah felt tentative about calling the Snyders family (even when they were briefly, legally related). They were Luke’s family. And though for a time Luke was his to hold and love and kiss and… well, Noah didn’t want to assume that he had a place in their home. Ironically, it's not till he moved out to L.A. without Luke that Noah realized just how much the Snyders _are_ his family, for keeps.

Holden called him the first week, on the surface to ask about camera equipment but really to ask about him. “Both Lily and I know how to text now, so don’t be shy, you hear? If you need anything…” And Noah had to swallow a couple of times, fighting through the tightness in his throat. “I-I will. Thank you.”

The calls and the texts never stopped. He knows, for example, what Ethan had for breakfast yesterday. Because Ethan made a video (with Luke holding the camera) chronicling the adventures of a preschooler helping to make breakfast for the very first time. “So, there you go!” Luke said towards the end. “Lesson of the day? Cooking is… messy.” “Yummy!” Ethan scooped up a forkful of chocolate pancake. “And… yummy,” Luke agreed as he ate some too. And Noah wanted to reach out and brush off the flour from Ethan’s shirt collar, from Luke’s chin. Noah wanted to _be_ there.

Now he will be. He’s grateful that Lily called him two weeks ago to extend the invitation. At first he tried to back out. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude.” But Lily chided him as lovingly as she could. “ _Noah_ , sweetie - it’s not _intruding_ if I need you to babysit, okay?” And they’d laughed about it and Noah had ended up saying yes. This happened a lot when it came to the Snyders.

When it came to Luke – well, Noah doesn’t know what exactly he’s expecting. He hasn’t seen him since they said goodbye at WOAK. Not really. Skype doesn’t count. Neither does Facebook though he clicks through Luke’s photos sometimes, especially the ones _not_ posted by him but by Faith or Nat or Casey or Maddie or well, anyone.

Lost in thoughts, Noah’s more than half way through the long corridor out of the airport when he spots Luke, when he literally trips over air. He rights himself in time to see Luke laughing and looking down. Then Luke glances back up, locking eyes with him, and Luke looks down again and points at him. And all of the sudden Noah sees Ethan leaning over, appearing from behind the legs of the crowd between them.

They break into simultaneous grins. At least it feels that way. “Noah!” Ethan shouts across to him and waves so enthusiastically that Noah wonders if he’s had more chocolate pancakes this morning (and maybe a giant glass of chocolate milk besides). Noah laughs and waves back, half blushing as several heads turn to look at him. The curious glances would have killed him once upon a time, the speculation enough to feel like judgment. Now he’s just flustered, in a good way. He hasn’t been greeted like this in an airport in quite some time, maybe ever.

“Hey buddy!” The distance between them vanishes in a few steps. Before Noah's crouched down fully, Ethan's flinging his little body forward with all his might. “Oof!” Noah mock groans at the weight of him and hoists him up in the air like an airplane. (He remembers their games. He remembers a lot of things.) “Wow, how many pancakes did you have, Eth? You’re almost as tall as me!” Ethan giggles and clasps his hands behind Noah’s neck.

“Now, _that’s_ tall,” Luke says, not awkward at all (except very). And Noah turns his head a fraction, lets his eyes drink in the whole of Luke. Luke’s close, his face bathed in sunlight, dimples sweet and blushes high. Luke is even more gorgeous than Noah remembers.

They smile at each other, bits of lots of emotions all over their faces. A lot of awkward too. Somehow - who moves first he doesn't know - they come together in a group hug, with Ethan’s sticky fingers around both their necks. Awkward gives way to warmth. And Noah finds himself inhaling the scents of Luke, breathing, breathing hello.

“Let’s go home,” Luke says at length and they do, with Ethan in the middle, all holding hands.

~~

Noah’s unpacking, hanging up his changes of clothes when Luke bursts into his old room at the farm with barely a knock.

“Hey!” Luke sounds out of breath.

“Hey,” Noah smooths out a sleeve of the last shirt. “Hide and seek?” He looks behind Luke to see if he could spot Ethan or Natalie.

“Uh… we could – we could do that. But um, more like we’re stuck babysitting?” Luke splays out his fingers (long, elegant fingers) and takes half a step inside the room. “Grandmother just called and said that mom and dad are out on a ‘date’ tonight and not to wait up. Faith texted; she’s staying over at a friend’s. And of course grandma Emma’s still on her way back from the retreat. So, looks like it’s just me, you and the rugrats.”

“Oh, okay.” Noah nods, not sure what he’s supposed to say. Lily did warn him about the babysitting. He supposes it’s bound to happen. He just wishes things weren’t so awkward between him and Luke. He wants to ask Luke so many things. Like: are you okay with me being here? Should I not have come? Can I hug you without Ethan sandwiched between us? Do you still feel about me the way I do about you?

“We don’t have to worry about dinner,” Luke saves him from having to say more. “The fridge is stocked like always. But oh! Grandma Emma said to give you her love. She misses you.”

Noah nods and tries on a smile. “Well, I can’t wait to see her. I miss her too.” Quieter, he adds, “I missed all of you, especially you.”

Luke’s eyes fix on his, intense. But before Luke gets to say anything, Ethan bursts into the room, a devilish grin on his face. “Ethan Walsh Snyder!” They both hear Nat yell at the same time and both notice the diary in Ethan’s hands at the same time.

~~

Things are calmer after dinner. At least for a while they are. The four of them are at the kitchen table playing _Excuse Me_ when the sky flashes bright and roars like a beast. They could hear the rain like a million rainsticks spun in sync. Another flash and the lights go out – porch, kitchen, parlor, everywhere.

“Ugh, we were winning!” Luke groans from the other side of the table.

Noah laughs. “No way! Nat and I totally got this.”

“Nuh-uhn!”

“Uh-huh!”

The sky flashes again, sharper, louder, like it’s trying to photocopy the whole world through the haze of rain. Nat shivers and snuggles close, burying her head on Noah's chest. Across the table, Noah could hear Ethan starting to whimper and Luke starting to soothe.

A flash of inspiration comes to him. “Hey, how about s’mores? Who wants some?” He helps Natalie up with him and laughs as Ethan jumps up and says his new favorite word. “Me!”

They crowd around the fire at the ancient gas stove, toasting marshmallows. Ethan wields his stick with great concentration, rolling it between his fingers every once in a while like Luke showed him.

“You’re becoming quite the little cook,” Noah tells him. And over the fire, he can’t help that his eyes catch Luke’s, that some old spark roars warm between them, singes hot.

He catches Nat’s smile out of the corner of his eyes and blushes. Nat always had a knack for catching them – hugging that one time and kissing many, many other times. Nat’s ninja like that.

"Can I have one more before bed?" She asks sweetly, like she has no agenda. Noah gives her another piece of marshmallow while Luke gives her the graham crackers and chocolate.

"Of course, kiddo," Luke looks at her and then at Noah. Noah just shrugs. They have an entire conversation with just their eyes, which isn't new.

Ethan bites hard into his s'more and smears chocolate-marshmallow-cookie goo all over his face. Seriously, the kid's got skills to get some onto his left ear somehow! Luke shakes his head at his brother and Noah smiles at the scene, can't help it. Luke has a spot of chocolate-marshmallow-cookie goo at the corner of his lips too.

"Eth," Nat dusts off the crumbs and holds out her hands, "want me to read you the rest of _Aladdin_?"

Ethan looks excited for a moment before looking sadly at the s'more in his hand.

"You can bring that," Nat rolls her eyes and rummages in the drawer for the emergency flashlight. She finds it before Luke could compose his questions in eyebrow quirks over to Noah. _What do you think she’s up to? Why is she ditching-?_ Nat hugs them both quickly, a warm squeeze around each of their waists. "Good night!"

"G'nite, bug. Remember to brush your teeth!" Luke calls after them.

Instead of calling him some variation of 'mom,' Nat lets it slide. "We will."

"Night Noah! Night Luke." Ethan waves at them, slower, sleepier, like a toddler koala bear as he's dragged along.

The room’s quiet for a time afterward. The sky too, except for constant shakes of rain. Luke concentrates on toasting his marshmallow. Noah concentrates on Luke, on the flicker of the shadows on his face that makes him harder to read. He loves me. He loves marshmallow. He loves me. He loves –

“Noah!” Luke grabs his hand all of the sudden and yanks it away from the fire. “It’s turning black.”

His marshmallow has indeed become a sad lump on the end of his stick. “Oh,” Noah looks at their hands, pressed skin to skin, blood pulsing just underneath, warm, too warm. “I wasn’t –”

“- paying attention,” Luke finishes for him. “Yes, I know. You looked like you were writing whole a thesis in your head.”

“Close.”

Their eyes catch the way their eyes do, like they can’t look away even if they wanted to. Or just that they don’t want to. One or the other.

“What were you thinking about?” Luke uses his quiet voice, the unfair ‘I care about you; you can say anything; you’re safe with me’ voice. It’s the voice that broke free a lot of Noah’s secrets, fears, private things he’s never told anyone else.

“You didn’t invite me here and I don’t… I don’t know if I – if you –”

“Noah,” Luke’s hold tightens on him. “I’m glad you’re here.” Luke nods for emphasis and Noah can’t help but believe him.

The sky splits that second with a bolt of light, a loud crash, making them jump. Upstairs, Natalie and Ethan start making sounds just as loud. Luke and Noah bolt up the stairs, two, three steps at a time, thrashing forward in the dark with singular focus.

This time they stay till Ethan is all _Aladdin_ ’ed out and till Natalie’s breathing even, peaceful in the flash of the storm.

“I should go clean up downstairs,” Noah whispers as they navigate the dark hallways. “I think I threw my charred goo on the floor.”

Luke laughs just a little too loud and they freeze, listening for any sound from behind the bedroom doors.

Silence.

They breathe sighs of relief.

“I don’t know how your parents do it. I don’t think I’m cut out for kids,” Noah holds onto the banister, making sure he doesn’t fall. It’s a long way down.

Luke breathes warm behind him. “What are you talking about? They love you.”

“Hmm,” Noah shrugs and rounds the turn carefully. “Either way, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”

“But one day, right?” Luke misses his step and falls. “Oh my god!”

Noah reaches out instinctively to grab hold of Luke. He thinks this is the most intimate they’ve been in a long time. His whole back is plastered with Luke. His hand is somewhere on the back of Luke’s thigh. Luke’s breathing on him, lips parted on the shell of his ear. Noah tightens his hold. (He’s only human.) “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Luke keeps his arms looped around him. “Yeah, I think so.”

“We probably should have gotten the flashlight from Nat.” Noah makes no moves to move away.

“Yeah,” Luke snorts. “That would have been smart.”

“But she’s using it as a night light.”

“True,” Luke tucks his face in the crook of Noah’s neck. “She hasn’t had a night light in forever.”

“She was scared.”

“I know,” Luke trails off. “I’m scared too.” He clings on tighter.

“Not the –”

“No. You. Me. Us.”

“Us?” Noah feels his heartbeat almost glow with how frantic its pace. “We can go slow,” he smiles into the dark.

Slowly they disentangle. Noah holds out his hand and Luke takes it. They walk slowly, carefully down the stairs. Before Noah could move into the kitchen, onto cleanup, Luke tugs on his hand. “Hey.”

Noah turns to look at Luke in the storm light.

“Look up,” Luke quirks his eyebrows.

Noah looks, even though he had a guess what it might be. “Mistletoe.”

“Rules are rules,” Luke shrugs, not trying hard at all to contain his grin.

“I love you,” Noah tilts Luke’s chin up. “You don’t have to say it back to me but I’m _still_ so in love with you.”

Luke doesn’t say it back right then, not so much with words. But his eyes light up and his lips quirk up, smile in every inch of his face. Noah leans down and kisses him like it’s their first kiss, like he can’t ever get enough of Luke. And it’s true. This is the first of all the rest of their kisses. He can feel it. Even the storm does, flash-flashing as it captures the moment.

~~

The next morning, Noah wakes and takes a moment to reorient himself. Oh right. At the farm, with Luke, his family. He rubs over the spot on his lips where Luke sucked on last night and bruised red. It’s real. Outside his room he hears Natalie _“Ethan Walsh Snyder!”_ Ethan again and smiles. It’s all real.


End file.
